The office would have had such a hilarious episode about the solar eclipse with Dwight Schrute CPR Certified Shirt. Michael would have definitely looked directly into the sun despite the whole office warning him not to. Dwight k schrute would have also looked directly into the sun to show Michael solidarity. Michael would have blindfolded himself and made Ryan push him around in a wheelchair for the entire day. Jim and Pam would sneak off on their own to quietly observe while listening to music. I really don’t think that fans of The Office talk enough about the fact that when the documentary was gonna air, The Senator was running for president. Imagine that, like, Paul Ryan was fuckin running for president and during his campaign, a documentary about a paper company in the middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania came out that outed him as gay, revealed he was having an affair with his wife’s coworker, and revealed that said wife was ALSO having an affair with ANOTHER coworker who once staged a fake fire and cut the face off a CPR dummy.
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The moment I shipped Dwight Schrute and Jim Halpert was when I was going through “The Office” for the third time and in the episode where they have to throw a birthday party for Kelly, when Jim yells at Dwight, “Next time, you get the cake and I get to scream at the brithday girl!” All I could think of was the two of them raising a child together and in that moment I shipped it and I’ve been shipping it ever since. So my daughter is binging The Office rn and I’m just gonna let you know I am Dwight. Stickler for rules. Takes things way too literally. Infinitely prankable bc despite suspicious nature is still way too gullible and naive. Has your back in a fight. Will maybe start the fight. Wants to be liked but isn’t very good at it. Would probably lead you into a beet field and abandon you to teach you a lesson.
The way he acts in that Valentine’s one where Angela gets him the bobblehead? 100% me right down to every emotional reaction. Suspicion. Almost angry bc how dare this box appear on my desk unnanounced. Careful opening. And then immense pleasure at seeing my gift and how gloriously perfect it is. Must find out who the giver is bc I am clueless and can’t read hints or social cues then I must reciprocate with gift but it is hard to find The Right Gift bc I think practical not romantic. So yeah. I am Dwight Schrute.
So! Here we are…the place where…all the magic happens,” said your new boss Michael as he held Dunder-Mifflin’s front door open for you. “Oh! Thank you,” you said, feeling positive about this new sales job. Michael was a fun guy, and you felt like you could become friends with him in the near future. Pam, the receptionist, seemed warm and friendly too. “Here’s your seat. Best seat in the house,” said Michael, chuckling and pulling out a chair for you. Two other salesmen sat with their desks facing each other in front of you. Jim, the man to your right, introduced himself— he struck you as a cool, down-to-earth guy. But the man on your left was a little more difficult to read. “Dwight K. Schrute. Assistant Regional Manager,” he said, holding out his hand. “To the,” you heard Jim say under his breath. You weren’t sure what he meant, but Dwight seemed to resent it. “Hi,” you said, shaking his hand. “I’m Y/N.” Dwight’s confidence was intriguing and his hairstyle was strange. He smiled and you noticed the faint shade of blue behind his Dwight Schrute CPR Certified Shirt. “You’re sure to enjoy it here, Y/N. That is, if you associate yourself with the right people.” This guy was a nerd if you ever saw one. He took things very seriously and did everything with confidence and passion. But as the day went on, you started to find everything he did more endearing. He put his heart and soul into selling paper. And you had the feeling he was covering up a certain sweetness in his personality. Sitting next to him for so long made it hard not to notice how cute you found his smile to be…on the rare occasion that he actually did smile. You knew you had to do something about it. The next day, you waited until closing to ask him a question.
“Hey Dwight. What are you up to tonight?” “Nothing. Why? Who wants to know?”
“Oh, just me. I, um…I’m on my way to this new restaurant in town and…I have no one to go with.” You tried a playful smile and raised your eyebrows. Dwight seemed disgusted. “Oh, the one down the road right here? Disgusting. They don’t even use real beets. Have fun with that.” He put on his coat and flew out of the office, leaving you to look to Jim dejectedly. Jim, in an interview with the camera, said: “Oh my god. She’s trying to ask Dwight out…all I can say is…good luck FIGURING him out…”
The next day, on your lunch break, you saw a small bouquet in a convenience store. Sure, it might be a weird gesture, but why not? You walked back into work holding the flowers. “Hey Dwight. I saw these and I thought they might look good on your desk. They’re, um…pretty…just like you?” His cute face was making you say stupid things. You tried to hide your uncontrollable smile and hand the bouquet to him. He grabbed it and scoffed. “What, so I can watch them die?” He chuckled. “What a ridiculous tradition. Try getting a USEFUL plant next time.” He tossed the flowers back onto your desk and left to use the copier. Jim looked up at you and shook his head in sympathy. You shook your head back. You knew Dwight was a tough nut to crack. Traditional methods wouldn’t work on him. But what would? You kept looking at him, wondering what you could do that would let him know your feelings.
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After lunch the next day, there was a small crowd gathered around your desk. Kevin and Dwight were arm wrestling on it. People were screaming until Dwight finally slammed Kevin’s hand into the desk. You’d been thinking Dwight’s personality over for a while, and suddenly an idea came to you. You really liked him, but…you knew he was a little gullible. And especially competitive. You sat at your desk after the fight. “Impressive,” you said slyly. He rolled his eyes. “Pshh. Big deal. Kevin is weak.” He couldn’t hide his smile, whether it was about his win, you complimenting him, or both. He looked at you, smiling and waiting for you to say something. It made your heart feel weak for a moment. You said, “Oh yeah, arm wrestling’s easy. But there’s no way you can beat me in…Swedish arm wrestling. You know the rules, right?” A confused look flashed across his face, followed by tentative confidence. “Of course.” You said, “Well, I’ll explain them to Jim just so he knows what I’m talking about.” Jim was happy to play along. You continued, “It’s more of a test of human endurance than strength. All you have to do is take someone’s hand…like this…” you took Dwight’s hand and held it in yours. “And then you just have to keep your hands together for as long as you can handle it. Whoever lets go first…loses.” Jim raised his eyebrows and smiled. “Wow. Sounds like an intense game,” he said. You locked your fingers together with Dwight’s. “I’ve never lost,” you said confidently. Dwight scoffed. “Child’s play.” You smiled and got back to your work, keeping your hand tucked into his.
A few minutes went by. Dwight typed with only his left hand. You made calls with only your right. You caught glances from various employees wondering what was going on between you two. Eventually, you absolutely had to use the restroom. You said, “Dwight. I am calling a momentary time-out on the game. Agreed?” He glared at you. “Agreed.” Once you came back to your desk, he grabbed your hand immediately, as if he were reclaiming something that clearly belonged to him. You sunk back into his the warmth of his hand and everything felt right.
When closing time came hours later, you and Dwight walked into the parking lot, both holding your coats instead of wearing them because you refused to lose the game. You got to Dwight’s car. Both of you stood there, completely still. It was cold out, but his hand was so warm and comfortable. He refused to let go. You decided to let him win by tugging your hand away. “Yes!!! HAHA! I knew I’d win! Mmm!!!” he shouted with a fist pump. You laughed. “Alright, you did win that time. But I’ve got an even harder challenge for you. I bet…you don’t have what it takes…”
“To what? What it takes to what?” he said breathlessly, smiling at you. You smiled back at him and he glanced back down at your hand, as if he wanted to “Swedish arm wrestle” with you again. His soft brown hair fluttered in the cold wind. Once he caught his breath and looked back into your eyes with a gentle smile, you made your move. With your heart thumping, you said, “…to be my boyfriend.” He became silent. After a moment of intense deliberation within himself, he looked to you with his usual, goofy smile. He held out his hand for you to shake it. “Child’s play.” You smiled the biggest smile you’ve smiled all week and shook it back. “Alright, Dwight. Your challenge begins at 9am sharp tomorrow. Be here or you forfeit automatically.” A fiery competitiveness came into his eyes and he saluted you, then sprinted into his car and drove away furiously to prepare for the day ahead. You noticed that Jim had been watching the whole time. You raised your eyebrows at him and he did the same to you. Jim, Dwight Schrute CPR Certified Shirt, said: “I gotta give it to her. She figured him out.” He shrugged and smiled. “Not bad, Y/N.”
I really don’t think that fans of The Office talk enough about the fact that when the documentary was gonna air, The Senator was running for president. Imagine that, like, Paul Ryan was fuckin running for president and during his campaign, a documentary about a paper company in the middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania came out that outed him as gay, revealed he was having an affair with his wife’s coworker, and revealed that said wife was ALSO having an affair with ANOTHER coworker who once staged a fake fire and cut the face off a CPR dummy.
I thought no fictional character’s opinion of cats (2019) could be more important to me than winston bishop’s, but then i started rewatching the office and now i DESPERATELY need to know how angela martin and her fellow once and future dunder mifflinites feel about this unholy creation.
angela, dwight, and mose go to see cats. (maybe oscar and andy tag along, since oscar is kind of angela’s bff and andy is of course oscar’s husband by this point – andy would FLOURISH as a state senator’s spouse in ways angela could only dream of – and also, LIKE ANDREW BAINES BERNARD IS GOING TO MISS THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE CATS ON THE BIG SCREEN AND SING ALONG THE WHOLE TIME. like oscar is going to miss it!!, but in a different way. oscar loves to righteously critique, and there has never been an opportunity like this and there never will be again. it’s kitsch, it’s the opposite of art, it destroys art, it destroys souls. they’re calling a special reconvening of the finer things club to cope with it. but also, it’s pretty cute how happily andy sings along to all of the hideous music.)
angela watches the whole thing with a strange, rapt expression and dwight cannot tell if it’s horror or giddy fascination and he’s a little afraid he’s in over his head either way – especially once idris elba macavity shows up.
(dwight’s afraid. DWIGHT! dwight’s gonna have to call jim later and ask for some very specific advice about women that jim will have no idea how to answer. “what do i do … if she asks me to dress up like one of them, jim? what if i have to be flippityflazzle, jim??”
“well, i don’t think you have to worry there, because that is not a real name.”
“are you sure?” “no.”“they were all like that. too many syllables, too much pizzazz. and they wouldn’t stop singing and writhing like it was mating season instead of guess-who-gets-to-go-to-cat-heaven season. like a bunch of hairy humanoid weirdly sexual andys.”“yikes.” “it made the real andy’s singing along almost tolerable. and i think the one angela liked best was called ‘my cavity.’ that can’t be right, can it? it was a film for families. thank god we left philip at home to mind the goats.” “well, the way i see it, you’ve got no choice. you be my-cavity for your woman, dwight,” jim says with all the world’s solemnity. dwight sighs, then accepts his new fate. “can pam make me a costume? something form-fitting in a very caressable velvet.” “can pam what now?” says pam, revealing that dwight has (obviously) been on speaker phone this whole time.)
meanwhile, mose runs laps up and down the aisles of the empty theatre (everybody else in scranton, pa has the good sense not to go see cats). it’s his finest outing in months. some real high quality food for thought. fresh-farmed beets for thought. I would like to edit this post to add that kevin obviously comes to the movies too, since accounting sticks together even when they’re not technically accountants anymore. Je reacts about like you would expect him to wear Dwight Schrute CPR Certified Shirt. The taylor swift cat song is his favorite.